0911.16 WEEKEND WITH THE KIDS

Morticia went to Nottingham for a 'girlie' weekend this weekend and left me to look after the kids. I don't mind, sometimes I even get a small amount of time to myself.

It seems that no one wanted to help me tidy up, I spent most of the time running around after the kids. My only consolation was that I got to watch the new Star Trek DVD (a total of 5 times), great considering it's not officially 'out' till Monday. Gotta love Play.com.

Wish I could have a couple of days to myself. I feel so mixed up at the moment, I need to rediscover myself. Maybe when Christmas is all done with I can go a check into a hotel for a couple of nights with some books and be truly alone.

Went to visit my Grandad yesterday. Nan didn't sound very good when I phoned her so I knew it was important I go. Grandad discovered he has cancer and the doctors are not going to treat it. I don't know what this means and I don't know what to think. All I do know is that I am very scared. didn't get chance to speak to Nan properly, without Morticia being with me it is hard to do.

I'm all over the place.

0911.08 DEMONS

So, British Summer Time is over. The nights are longer and colder and traditionally we get busier at work.

I went back to work after a week off with the Swine flu. In hindsight I went back way too early (there was no way I was fit enough). I went back because I knew there was a staff shortage and I thought it was the right thing to do. I was wrong. Whilst I was off one of my colleagues was given the job of acting as supervisor for the team (a job I've been doing on and off for the last few months). Now I don't begrudge anyone the opportunity but this was a long term opportunity. You could say I'm 'pig sick'.

Since returning I have felt isolated, outside the loop and generally out of touch. I know that many factors in my life a causing me to feel this way it's not all work.

Home is proving to be difficult for me and I have a general feeling that I am not coping with things. Perhaps my weekend state has affected me far greater than I anticipated and my demons (that I usually keep at bay) are surfacing.

Whatever is making me feel this way I know I must get a grip on it all before I cause further problems for myself. Time will tell.

0910.10 EXPLOSIVE!

Nothing much exciting happens around here, or so I thought. In the early hours of Monday morning I was woken rudely by a car alarm. I went through to the front of the house to see one of the neighbours' cars in flames. It was parked on the road (so little danger of the house catching fire). I rang 999 for the fire service, they had already received the call and a fire engine promptly arrived and began tackling the blaze.

So, what it an unprovoked act of mindless damage? An enemy of my neighbour? Or perhaps a racial attack (the owner of the car is Asian). After speaking to him he seems to think it's the first one. Who knows? Thankfully since then it's returned to the quiet, boring street and I like it like that.

0904.04 BED AND WORK

Life weighs heavily on me at the moment. Loads of pressure on the home front and changes at work. My life seems to consist of bed and work at the moment. The bit in between, the cycling between the two sites is the only thing that is holding me together. I yern for more but cannot see an end to this loop at the moment.

True things are better in some respects than they used to be back in the days I worked horrible shifts and was constantly tired. So maybe progress is slow and someday I'll find myself with more time for me. Until then I'll keep sleeping, cycling and working.